Writing what I don't know

The received wisdom is of course to write what you know. Biologically speaking, I'm not a gay man. (Bryn is a male name, I confuse people, it's fun). I do not have, and imagine I never will have the right body parts! So I can't know what it is to make love as a man, to another man, nor any of the realities of having a gay lifestyle. Ok, I know some gay guys and they tell me stuff, but its not the same, is it?

However, I also don't know what its like to be a vampire, or a pirate, or an otter shapeshifter. I've never been a soldier, but I've written about war. Sometimes I write what I know, more often I write what I imagine. Sometimes I write m/m to distance the story from me, (bi and female) if there is a little too much truth in it! Emotional truth has always seemed more important to me than literal truth.

This is true of all the women who write m/m. We do it in part because it is so alien, so distant, so not who we are in our ordinary lives. Trying to imagine, researching, contemplating - its an adventure in and of itself, and that's a big part of the fun. The sheers otherness and unavailableness of m/m makes it alluring. There are a lot of women writing and reading the genre after all.

No, its not an authentic representation. Sometimes its really great to read a story written by someone who knows what its like, but its nice to have fantasy too. There are times when its easier to write what you don't know, because you don't bring your own baggage along for the ride. Just like readers, writers need to escape to different places too.

Currently I'm working on an m/m story - one of the characters is a dryad. Realism? Probably not.